Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind: A Guide to Understanding and Managing Anxiety
Inspired by the work of Jennifer Shannon, LMFT
The mind has long been compared to a monkey—restless, always jumping from thought to thought, anxious--never still. This metaphor came vividly to life for me during a visit to a temple in Indonesia. The temple grounds perched over the sea felt ancient and serene, the tranquility disrupted only by the chaotic antics of the resident monkeys who chattered endlessly, darting between tourists. One particularly bold monkey charged into the group to rip an earring from a woman's ear, leaping away effortlessly, clutching its prize, only to later trade the earring back to a savvy guide in exchange for peanuts.
The monkey’s behavior was chaotic but also purposeful—constantly scanning for danger and opportunity, always seemingly reactive and unpredictable. The “monkey mind,” as Jennifer Shannon describes it in her book Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind, operates in much the same way. It thrives on hypervigilance, misinterpreting everyday situations as threats, and driving us to worry, avoid, or overthink in an attempt to regain control. This restless part of our psyche keeps us trapped in cycles of anxiety, magnifying imagined dangers and feeding our fears.
Shannon offers us a way out of this cycle. Using cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, she explains how to stop “feeding” the monkey mind and break free from its grip. While I do not specialize in CBT therapy, I find Shannon’s framework and approach extremely helpful in supporting my clients as they begin to make headway in managing anxiety. Anxiety can be debilitating, but Shannon’s insights provide a clear and practical roadmap for understanding how it manifests and taking the first steps toward relief.
Understanding Anxiety and the Monkey Mind
Anxiety is rooted in our brain’s ancient survival mechanisms, designed to detect and react to threats. Shannon explains that the monkey mind, like the monkeys at the temple, is always on—constantly scanning for danger and opportunity, whether it’s there or not. This leads to exaggerated fears and overreactions that keep us stuck in a heightened state of vigilance.
The monkey mind thrives on two kinds of perceived threats:
Physical threats, such as avoiding harm or danger, which stems from our evolutionary instincts.
Social threats, like the fear of rejection or judgment, which triggers the same level of anxiety as physical harm.
Shannon identifies three key beliefs that keep anxiety alive:
Fear of Uncertainty: The need for everything to be predictable and controlled.
Perfectionism: The belief that making mistakes is unacceptable, leading to paralysis and self-doubt.
Over-Responsibility: Taking on others’ burdens at the expense of your own well-being.
These beliefs amplify anxiety and reinforce avoidance behaviors, which in turn feed the monkey mind.
Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety
The key to quieting the monkey mind, Shannon argues, is to stop feeding it. Avoidance, reassurance-seeking, and over-preparation may offer temporary relief, but they ultimately strengthen anxiety’s hold. Shannon offers several strategies to break the cycle:
Challenge distorted thoughts: Replace catastrophic thinking with balanced perspectives. For example, instead of thinking, “If I fail, everything will fall apart,” reframe it as, “Even if I make a mistake, I’ll still be okay.”
Face fears gradually: Use exposure techniques to confront anxiety-provoking situations step by step.
Practice mindfulness and acceptance: Learn to observe anxious thoughts without judgment and coexist with discomfort rather than resisting it.
Shannon emphasizes the importance of taking “expansive” actions—those that align with your values and promote growth. For instance, initiating a difficult conversation instead of avoiding it can build confidence and deepen relationships.
The Role of Safety Strategies
Shannon also explores how “safety strategies,” like overthinking or avoiding challenges, reinforce the monkey mind. Paradoxically, it is often our attempts to manage or control anxiety through these strategies—whether mental rehearsals, worrying, or distracting ourselves—that amplify it and keep us stuck in the anxiety cycle. These behaviors may offer temporary relief but ultimately perpetuate the monkey mind’s influence.
Instead, Shannon advises building resilience by stepping outside your comfort zone. Small actions, like setting imperfect goals or allowing for spontaneity, teach the monkey mind that its alarms are unnecessary. Over time, this retrains your brain to respond to uncertainty with greater calm.
Starving The Monkey
In my own work, I find Shannon’s approach invaluable in helping clients understand how anxiety manifests. Integrated with emotionally and somatically focused processing of deeper sources of anxiety within a safe relational container, her strategies provide a solid foundation for healing. Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but with understanding and the right framework and tools, it’s possible to quiet the monkey mind and reclaim a sense of balance and agency.
This book is highly recommended for anyone seeking practical, accessible strategies for managing anxiety and taking meaningful steps toward greater peace and well-being.
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